Thursday, December 17, 2009

baby teeth can bite my ass

Well, the Universe dealt me a solid today. A year ago, we spent something like 4 large on the big kids teeth because of negligent tooth brushing blah blah cavity blah baby tooth root canal fuck. Today, the kids came home with a One Hundred Per Cent Clean Bill Of Dental Health, so if I wanted to sell them tomorrow to pay for my Christmas bills, I'd have a pretty good chance of fetching a pretty penny for the lot.

Thank god, is all I can say because we have a holy ton of other shit to spend that 4 grand on now.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


Man! I blew it already! Missed a post last night.

Brief recap:

Last night was awesome. After freaking out all day and having three people tell me that I'm a big fat idiot and not to freak out, I stopped freaking out just in time to really, really enjoy the boy's Winter Garden. It was so beautiful and amazing and perfect. He did get a little squirreley a couple of times, but he was beautiful and amazing and perfect and himself, through and through.

Friday, December 4, 2009

jesus fucking christ and shit

today was an impossibly long fucker of a day and it isn't even over yet.


Soon, so soon. As soon as all the kids are asleep, then I can officially drink too much wine and spend too much time dicking around on the interwebs and then collapse into bed to sleep the blissful sleep of a person who will only have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.


Thursday, December 3, 2009


On Tuesday we went to the butcher to pick up our half of a hog. When we arrived we were informed that the hams and bacon and hocks were not, in fact, ready yet, but we did manage to leave with the fresh cuts. The first time we bought meat directly from a farmer was a couple of years ago when we bought half of a hog from a local lady who was advertising on Craigslist. It was, hands down, the tastiest pork I'd ever eaten, not to mention the freshest and localest. Next we moved on to local, direct-from-farmer-purchased duck, chicken, and beef, mostly via the farmer's market in Healdsburg. Then last spring we bought a lamb and then a month or so later a goat.

Basically what I'm saying is that I have parts of a lamb, odds and ends off a goat, a couple chickens, duck fat, 5 lbs of ground chuck and the better half of half of a pig in my freezer right now as well as chicken stock, green beans, various dried fruits from the back yard, some tomatoes we were too lazy to do anything with before they rotted on the counter, tomatillos and, like, 7 loaves of zucchini bread. Plus a loaf of fail pound cake. Plus some crappy bacon we got from somewhere that I won't actually let my family eat. Plus ice.

Basically, what I'm really saying, is that our house is probably a really good place to be:
a) in case of the apocalypse
b) if you really like meat
c) if you really like meat.

Tonight we had the first pork chops off the new pig and they were delicious. So...CLEAN tasting, somehow. They were the most brightly flavoured pork chops we've had since the last time we had home-grown pork chops. I made an apple sauce that was served hot on the side with the last of our mystery variety apples, baked treviso radicchio with olive oil, salt and pepper, roasted potatoes with whole garlic cloves and was all really, really good and almost entirely local; the olive oil, salt and pepper were the only things I could not tell you the origin of. The potatoes were from Preston's farm, the treviso was from a lady at the market and the sage and apples were from the back yard.

The market is over now until next spring and all we have in the yard right now are bitter greens, choys, walnuts and maybe a lemon in a day or two, but we do have Tierra Farms right down the road and I'm sure we'll be giving them plenty of business in the coming months.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

reasons why I am an idiot, number who's keeping track in an unending series


There was a misunderstanding this evening, and I hate misunderstandings, especially when they make me feel stupid and embarrassed. See above.

The big one had a parent evening with Special! Live! Guest Speakers!

I thought it started at 8.

Apparently, it started at 7.

It takes me 20 minutes to drive to her school.

There was a sign on her classroom door that said "Knock And Wait Outside".

I waited for 20 minutes in the COLD ASS OUTSIDE. After knocking. Lightly.

After many increasingly embarrassed texts to my Baby Daddy (dood, so stupid, all waiting outside in the they hate me...why do they not open door...SO FUCKING COLD OMG I'M COMING HOME...) I went the hell home. Where I am now drinking wine and blogging about what a seriously lame lameass I am.

NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW. I crept away all stealth-like, lest someone hear my boots on the pavement outside and look out the window and say, "Hey, isn't that Emily out there skulking around like a moron? Let's heckle her for being too timid to knock with greater force than a cockroach, for verily, she is as such. Ha, ha, a cockroach I say. DORK!"

Thus ends day two. Shit.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

An apple a day

I'm going to try something, and I don't know if it will work, but I'm going to try it anyway.

I'm going to try to come here and pound something out every day until New Year's. I don't know if I'll have the fortitude or interest or even the time to do it, but here goes. No harm in trying.

Today: It is officially time to start thinking about Christmas. I've had my fingers in my ears and my eyes clamped shut singing "lalalalalalalalalala" since Peanut started talking about making gifts for friends and relatives waaaaay back in mid-November (and where does she get this? This coordination and planning ahead? Not from me, that's for damn sure.) but today I finally faced the sweet, sweet music of December and started looking through DIY and craft websites for ideas for things for family and friends this year. Last year we made bath fizzies and candy and cookies. And they were...good...but not spectacular. This year I've got to get better at packaging because you can make the best cookies in the world but if they're all just stuffed in a box or bag and crumbling on themselves they're just not going to be that enjoyable. So: orders of business:

1. Learn to package beautifully.

The next thing is: what will we do this year? I've been intrigued by the thought of doing old-fashioned silhouette portraits of the kids. I love these silhouettes of the cats; the gold frame and teal background really make it.

The other things:

I love to bake and cook and...stuff. But what do people want? I love our membrillo but do people really want quince paste? I love to make truffles and cookies...but I always feel bad giving my kids' teachers little treat boxes because they must get a ton of it and why should I burden them with more baked goods...? Oh, I don't know. New order of things:

1. Relax. December is only a month long. It will be over in 31 days.
2. Oh, my god that's not very much time. Not NEARLY enough time! I don't even know what I'm doing yet...
3. Figure out what to do. Edibles? Fake porcelain? WHAT?
4. Relax. Remember to have fun with it. And the kids. REMEMBER NOT TO HATE THE KIDS.

And, hey. Maybe this year we'll actually get Christmas cards out. Unlike every single other year. The closest we've ever gotten was that year I went out and bought, like, A TON of Christmas cards and then sent out exactly none. Sort of like the birth announcements for the first born. Don't even ask me about the third's baby book. There are some things we just don't speak of.