Tuesday, September 15, 2009

do not walk freely

So, and I know you cannot tell this from the picture but this motherfucker is HUGELY HUGEMONGOUS and could probably eat a fucking BUICK if you put him up to it, I am completely terrified of walking in my backyard now. Just knowing that spiders like this lurk in North America sends shivers down my spine. Kelsey found him in the zucchini plants the other day and we've been feeding him soldier flies--and what dumb fuckers they are. Holy shit, the maggots are huge and nasty looking and then they turn into wasp-like flies but they just bumble about a bit and then die--one of which he's wrapping up in this picture, by the way, as a means of scale.

I've named him Bruce.

I now walk down any path in our yard with a stick out in front of me waving madly about from side to side and up and down lest any spiderweb grace my shirtfront and any other Bruces out there incur the wrath that is Emily Being Stuck In A Huge Ginormous Garden Spider Web, complete with screaming and slapping at anything even a little bit sticky or crawly.

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